Breakdown
by Red Jane
Summary: After moving in with Luke, Andy realizes that her current life is not what she really wants.  While she's trying to sort out her feelings, she finds out that Sam has bigger secrets.  But the sudden drama at the police station gradually unfolds the truth.
1. Undisclosed desires

ROOKIE BLUE.

**Title: Breakdown.**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Rookie Blue, but I wish I did. At least give me Sam Swarek:)  
**Category: **MSR (McNally/Swarek Romance), UST, ANGST

**These events take place after the first season of RB.**

This is my first work written in english, so forgive me!:)

Please, review!:D

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**Chapter 1. ****Undisclosed desires**

_**"Falling faster**_

_**Barely breathing**_

_**Give me something to believe in**_

_**Tell me it's not all in my head**_

_**Take what's left of this man**_

_**Make me whole once again…"**_

**Nick Lachey – What's left of me**

* * *

A phone was ringing.

Andy McNally opened her eyes and jerked forward.

Sun was shining through the curtain cracks, leaving bright yellow stripes on the floor. It was quiet in the room, and distant sounds of the woken city were muffled by the closed windows.

Andy was breathing heavily, after the sudden waking. For a few seconds she tried to remember what day it was. She looked at the other side of the bed. A wrinkled sheet recalled a blurred memory of Luke telling her it's time to go to work. Andy slightly remembered telling him to go without her, because she wanted to have ten more minutes to sleep.

Andy reached across the bed, to the bedside table and took her cell. The battery was dead. Near the cell lied a piece of paper with Luke's handwriting and a bunch of keys on top. The note said:

_I left my car, so you wouldn't be late._

_Already miss you, _

_ Luke._

Andy smiled, touched with his thoughtfulness.

The landline phone rang again.

Andy jumped of the bed. She tried to grab the phone that stood on the shelf, but her legs tangled in a blanket and she clumsily fell on the carpet. She swore loudly, stood up and picked up the phone.

"Andy!" she answered breathlessly.

"Andy, where have you been?" She heard a familiar voice on the other end of the phone. It was Traci Nash – her best friend since the Academy.

"God, Trace, what time is it?"

"It's almost ten! Why haven't you been answering your cell? I called you like a hundred times!"

"The battery is dead. Oh no, did i miss the briefing?" Andy exhaled loudly.

"Yeah, it was an hour ago! He asked about you and I told him you were running late… what happened?"

"I overslept… Oh, I'm so gonna be in trouble!"

She heard a muffled voice in the receiver:

"Let's go, Nash!" It was Noelle Williams – Traci's ex-training officer.

"Andy, we're taking off, I gotta go!" Traci uttered hastily.

"Okay, Trace!"

"Good luck there!"

"Oh, I'm soo gonna need it".

Andy moved to the wardrobe and opened it. She took out some jeans and a tank top and pulled them on. She had no time for a shower, luckily she took one last night, before going to bed.

An hour later she was in Luke's car, nervously thumbing her finger against the steering wheel. She was slowly driving among hundreds of cars, stuck in a morning traffic jam.

"C'mon! C'mon!" she mumbled, looking at the cars ahead from the sidelite.

She imagined how she'll arrive at the station and will face the disappointed look of sergeant Best and sneering of co-workers behind her back. She knew that many cops of 15th Division shot disapproving glances at her, because she was dating detective Luke Callaghan.

But that wasn't the main thing that bothered her.

All of a sudden she was thinking of Sam Swarek – her former training officer. She didn't tell him that she moved in with Luke, but he must have already heard that, because everyone was talking about it. Now Andy was feeling guilty for not telling Sam herself. She knew how it will look like, when she'll appear at the station in Callaghan's car… Like it's official and for real. Like Luke is much more than a "colleague with benefits"…

Her heart sank. She didn't want Sam to know. And the sudden realization of that made her sick. She was desperately rushing things with Luke, but in reality…

Andy shook of that thought.

_**No!**_

_**No.**_

_**No.**_

_**No.**_

_**No.**_

_**She loved Luke.**_

_**Loved.**_

_**Loved?**_

_**Loved!**_

_**Luke?**__**...**_

She was so confused. Has she made a mistake? But she couldn't just break up with him. Luke loved her. And she loved… well, yeah, she loved him. So why should she leave him?

Her stomach quivered.

She thought about Sam and something huge like a bubble blew in her chest, making it hard to breathe. No. Not Sam. No. Obviously he wasn't interested in her anymore. He even got her and Luke back together. He had his Monica and apparently now Gail, with whom he left the bar a few days ago. Whatever, not like she (Andy) needed him, anyway.

Bitterness like hot liquid spread over her body.

_**Of course you need him, **_- told an inside voice._** – You need him so desperately you can't even stop thinking about him.**_

"Shut up!"

These words flew out of her mouth. She said that aloud.

And then the uncalled memories started flashing in her mind, like pictures.

She and Sam are transporting a witness to the station. Sam's gone for a few minutes, Swan is having a seizure. She's on the ground. The prisoner is running into the woods. Sam's angry face. Woods. She and Sam split. She's on the ground and Swan's on top of her.

Going over the memories, Andy instinctively touched her neck, still feeling Swan's strong choking grip. She took a glance in a mirror and saw dark traces of his fingers still visible on her neck.

And then she remembered Swarek throwing Swan off of her. If it wasn't for Sam she would definitely pass out. And then everything could go differently. Swan would have probably shot her and then Sam…

Andy shuddered, and her heart leapt. She made a deep breath and tried not to think about it.

That day brought them closer together. That day Sam told her that Luke was a good guy and gave her a huge speech about him. Sam was the one who practically got them back together…

And the only question that bothered her was: has Sam moved on?

He lied to cover her in front of Luke, and she supported his lie. Yes, Luke did have – in Swarek's words – 'a fragile ego', but she didn't feel as though she was protecting Luke with this lie. She felt that it became another barrier between them. Another secret with Sam. And secrets tend to bring people closer. She trusted Sam more than anyone. She felt safe. She felt secure.

But now she had Luke again, and he was a great guy, she knew that. So why did her inner voice whisper another name?

A week ago she and Sam became even closer, when he proved the innocence of her father that was suspected in a murder of a rapist from one of his old cases. Sam was the one who put her first. He put her before the job. He cared for her.

And that undercover operation two days ago… The way Sam looked at her, the way he kissed her. She didn't care if it was just an act. It felt real.

Last night when she and Luke went at their place, she felt something strange. She loved Luke like a relative or a friend, but she just couldn't stop thinking about Swarek. She thought about Swarek, when she met Luke at the parking lot, she thought about Swarek, when Luke kissed her. And the butterflies in her stomach were flapping not because that were Luke's lips on hers, but because she unconsciously imagined Sam standing in front of her, Sam kissing her and wanting her.

She couldn't get rid of that vivid image in her head. She didn't know what was happening to her. He was all she could think of, and that scared the hell out of her. She wasn't supposed to feel that way. She wasn't supposed to fall in love with her former T.O. That was against the rules.

_**Was**__**.**_

But she has Luke!

_**Admit it**__**: you can't get the night of the blackout out of your head.**_

Andy felt something quiver in the pit of her stomach, when she recalled that memory. Her heart started pumping loudly in her throat.

Yesterday, back at her apartment, when Luke started kissing her passionately, she told him she was exhausted and wanted to sleep. Luke said it was okay and smiled at her so tenderly, that Andy felt guilty. He had no idea, what was going on in her mind.

After taking a shower she crawled into bed with Luke and even at that moment she thought of Sam. She tried so hard to wipe his face off of her mind, because it was wrong, but she couldn't and that scared her more and more.

Andy closed her face with her hands, making a deep breath. She was so confused.

Suddenly she realized why she had overslept this morning and why she asked Luke to sleep for ten more minutes. She remembered what dream she was having. The dream was about Sam. One of those, after which you thank heaven, nobody can read your mind.

A loud honk deafened Andy. And she took her hands off of her face.

"Hey lady! Sleep much?" Shouted a driver from the car behind her.

Andy looked ahead and realized that the jam was gone, while she was blocking the road to other drivers. A few cars behind her started honking.

"Okay-okay!" She shouted back, looking at a driver in a rearview mirror. Annoyed with the fact that he interrupted her thoughts, Andy pushed the pedal hard and speeded off the high road.

When Andy got to the station it was almost one pm. Who would have thought that a twenty-minute road could last more than two hours!

She parked Luke's car on the corner of Silverspring Street, so nobody would notice her, and walked the rest of the way on foot.

As she passed the police station parking lot, her stomach started turning. She was very nervous.

"Hey, stranger!" Shouted someone in her ear and Andy nearly jumped. She was so distracted, that she didn't hear Dov Epstein approach her.

"Hey, you scared the hell out of me!" Andy made a loud breath.

Dov smiled at her cheerfully, surprised by her reaction. The smell of his cologne was so taunting that it seemed tangible and could as well wear some clothes.

"What's gotten into you today?" Dov asked and added thoughtfully. "Where've you been?"

"Don't ask", said Andy gloomily. "I had a horrible morning."

"Swarek's gonna kick your ass!"

It wasn't Dov who said that. Andy stopped, her heart beating loudly, and turned around to see Gail Peck catching up with them. Her short shiny hair was sticking in different directions.

"Why's that?" Asked Andy looking at Gail emotionless. Sometimes Andy hated the way Gail was always picking on everyone. But today she hated her more than ever.

"You didn't show up, and Swarek had to stay at the station to do all the paper work on the yesterday's shootings by himself", Gail smiled acidly. "The governor wants a full report today".

Andy clenched her teeth. She was even jealous when Gail was saying **_his_** name.

"Damn it, I totally forgot about that…"Andy muttered. She accelerated her pace heading to the station. "What are you two doing here by the way?"

"I'm glad you've asked!" Dov's face brightened. With a glimpse at his expression Andy knew he was dying to tell her something.

"We have a tip on possible drug trafficking!" He exclaimed happily.

"Who's the source?" asked Andy. She actually didn't care, she was just trying to relax and take her mind off of Sam Swarek.

Dov was talking so fast that she could barely make out what he was saying.

"Some guy. Home invasion. Was trying to rob his grandma. Turned out to be a small-time drug dealer".

"Nice," said Andy emotionless.

"… Then-he-said-that-he-didn't-do-anything, and I said we'll-throw-him-behind-bars-if-he's-not telling-us-what's-going-on. And then he's-like-"okay-okay!-I-know-something-about-a-russian-drug-cartel…" We've booked him and now we're going to Boyd and Jerry...

"Shut up, Dov, she's not even listening to you," snorted Gail.

Dov glanced at Andy aggrievedly.

She was absorbed in her thoughts.

"M-m?" She asked, turning to them, and bumping into someone. It was a brown-haired man in a green jacket, looking thoughtfully at the front door of the police station.

"Excuse me," Andy muttered and tried to walk past him to get to the door, when the man touched her shoulder.

"Excuse me, do you work here?"

"Yes, sir, as a matter of fact we do!" Dov answered glibly.

The man in the jacket turned to Epstein and Peck. Andy stopped and that very second saw Luke Callaghan getting out of Jerry Barber's car.

Andy's heart sank: she didn't want to appear at the station in Luke's company, especially when someone's ex-T.O. was right there, sitting behind his desk waiting for her. She didn't want to ruin that fragile connection she and Sam managed to set between them last days. Firstly, Sam had to hear from **_her_** that she and Luke moved in together.

Andy tried to avoid meeting Luke and even ducked behind the man in the green jacket, but Callaghan noticed her from afar.

"Andy!" He called and gestured her to wait for him.

"Damn it!" Andy had no choice but to stand upright.

"I'll be right back," Luke told Jerry and headed to the front doors. Andy folded her arms nervously.

"Hey, Andy, tell me…" Started Dov but he had to make some space to let Luke move along.

"Hey, Sleepyhead," said Luke loudly, smiling at Andy. She blushed, uncomfortable to be called like that in front of the others.

"Hey," Andy murmured. "Listen, I've gotta run… See you later?"

Luke's expression became puzzled.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah… I'm just late. Sam is going to kill me…" These words slipped out of her mouth before she could realize what she was saying.

Luke frowned suspiciously.

"I'll talk to him."

"No-no…" Andy flushed. "No, Luke, what I mean is I've got to go," Andy smiled awkwardly at him and slipped into the building before he could answer.

She mingled with the crowd of officers in the lobby and looked back. Luke wasn't following her. She felt relieved.

Andy hated the way she ran away from him – a nice honest guy – but she couldn't help herself. She just wasn't ready to be a 'girlfriend of the year' when she was thinking about another man.

Andy passed the corridor and, with a thumping heart, walked in a room with glass walls.

"Had a nice nap, McNally?"

Andy turned to see Staff Sergeant Frank Best smiling at her.

"Sorry, I'm late, sir," she mumbled. "I had a situation..."

"I don't care as long as it doesn't become a habit."

"It won't, sir, I promise."

"Okay then, McNally. Do your paper work. I want your report on the shootings today."

"Yes, sir," replied Andy while thinking: "That was easy".

Right then she saw a black-haired man, sitting behind one of the desks. She recognized his muscular hands and broad shoulders underneath a black tight T-shirt. Her pulse fastened.

Precisely at that moment Sam Swarek heard her voice and turned around. For a second his gloomy expression became relieved. Andy prepared herself for the worst, but the only thing she got was a glance of sad puppy-like eyes and a single word:

"Hey."

"Hey…" she repeated carefully.

Sam turned back to his computer.

Andy froze, looking perplexed. She expected anything - acid jokes, sarcastic remarks – anything - but this.

_**He knows.**_

She stood there for a moment, looking at the back of his neck. Apparently, Sam felt that, because he looked back at her.

"You okay?" He asked, looking over his shoulder. She was staring at him way too long.

"Y-yeah…" She blinked. "Yes, I'm sorry I'm late, sir," she jabbered and got silent abruptly.

Their eyes met and she realized, how awkwardly her "sir" sounded. A shadow of a smile appeared on Swarek's face.

"It's okay," he answered peacefully.

"It's okay?" Andy repeated, abashed.

"Well, yeah," Sam answered quietly. "You're not my rookie anymore," he stumbled and corrected himself quickly. "You're not a rookie."

These words hurt Andy so much she even winced. The pain was nearly physical.

_**You're not my rookie**__** anymore.**_

"I'm not your rookie," she repeated absently.

Sam raised his eyebrows.

"Are we playing that "Mirror"-game, when you repeat everything I say?" He asked with a smile.

Andy blushed but didn't reply. After a moment of hesitation, she went to her desk, mentally cursing herself. She sat down and realized that she hasn't changed to her uniform. But she didn't care. Sam's voice spinning in her mind:

_**You're not my rookie.**_

Blood was thumping in her temples.

_**Not my rookie**__** anymore.**_

_**Anymore.**_

She heard a sound of footsteps behind her and the voice of the secretary.

"Officer Swarek, there's a man in the lobby asking for you."

Andy turned around to see Meredith – the reception girl – shifting uncomfortably from one foot to another. She – as many others - was afraid of Swarek, who was known for his bad temper.

"What's his name?" asked Swarek.

"He didn't introduce himself, sir. Black hair, average height. He said you know him, and it's important. I'll take him to the second interrogation room."

"Okay, thanks."

The secretary left. Swarek stood up and glanced at Andy.

"Can you watch the kid while I'm gone?"

"What?" Andy asked blankly.

"Leo," Swarek nodded at a chair on the other side of his table. A cute little boy was staring right at Andy with his big brown eyes.

"Hey, Leo!" She waved her hand. "I didn't notice you behind this computer."

Andy bit her lip. Of course she _would've _noticed him if she wasn't paying so much attention to Swarek…

"Hi, Andy," Leo murmured.

"His father brought him here half an hour ago," Swarek explained in a low voice so the boy wouldn't hear him.

"And you agreed to sit with him?" Andy whispered, unable to hide her triumphant smile. "That's so sweet. I don't recognize you, Sam Swarek!"

"Don't flatter yourself, it's just that I was the only one who could calm him down."

"Yeah-yeah, sure," teased Andy. She felt relieved because Swarek treated her as usual.

"Will you watch him?"

"Sure," she smiled at him.

He nodded and was already leaving, when she added quietly:

"Uncle Sammy."

Swarek didn't turn around, but she knew he heard her. Her heart was beating loudly, when she watched him leave the room.

"When will mommy come back?" Leo asked bringing Andy back to reality. She approached the boy and sat in a squatting position in front of him.

"In a few hours," she replied with a smile. "Do you want to draw something?"

"I don't know," said the boy gloomily. "Maybe."

"Okay," Andy looked over Sam's desk, trying to find a blank sheet of paper. She picked one and the headline on the other side caught her attention:

"Transfer application".

She froze and her heart sank. It's not what she's thinking… Is it?

She read the note greedily, fear overflowing with each word: "… transfer me…", "…drug unit…", "…as soon as possible…"…

Air seemed thick as tar. She felt dizzy.

Two words at the bottom of the note cut her chest, making it hard to breathe. She stared at them in disbelief. "**Sam Swarek****".**

"I'm hungry," Leo's thin little voice returned her to reality again. She looked at him dumbstruck.

"Okay," she answered quietly and forced a light-hearted smile. "Okay. Would you like a burger?"

Leo nodded shyly.

"I'll be right back, alright?"

"Okay."

Andy put the application back on the table and stood up. She needed some time to think about what she found out.

She looked around to find someone who could watch Leo while she was gone to the cafeteria. The room was nearly empty.

"Hey, Robby," she addressed to the man with spiky blond hair sitting not far from Swarek's table. "Can you take an eye on Leo here? I need to go the cafeteria."

Robby raised his eyes and looked at her reluctantly.

"Do I look like a nanny to you, McNally?.."

"Can you, please, help me out?" Andy cut him impatiently.

Robby shifted his gaze from her to Leo. The boy was looking back at him with his big dark eyes.

"I'm not gonna nurse him or anything," Robby said to Andy, but his voice became softer.

"Just take an eye on him. I'll be back in five."

"Fine," Robby replied.

"Thanks, I owe you."

Andy smiled at Leo and left.

All the way to the cafeteria downstairs she was feeling strange anxious energy building up inside her. She was thinking of that little note and felt desperation and fear growing inside her. She had to talk to Sam, to find out why he was leaving and why didn't he tell her…

She didn't even notice how she got to the cafeteria. It was full of cops having their lunch time. Andy looked at the length of the line to the counter. It was going to take at least five minutes. "Another "traffic jam"," she thought.

Deep in her thoughts Andy suddenly herd someone whisper Swarek's name. Andy froze, listening. The voice belonged to a woman, standing right behind her.

"… yeah, Swarek was the one who told me that they were getting married," the woman said.

"Isn't it too fast?" Another woman asked in a low voice. "They've been dating for how long? A week?"

"They had a past together, Sue. Anyway, Monica's really exited about it."

"I bet she is! The guy is hot!"

Andy felt as though someone hit her in the stomach. She stood motionless.

_**Sam?**__** married?**_

Yet it was only a few minutes ago she thought it couldn't get worse.

"Officer McNally, what would you like?" asked Mike the cashier. She made an order and, while waiting, turned to see two police women standing next to her. They changed the subject and were talking about meat loafs in the cafeteria. One of them had long fair hair and grey eyes. The other one was red-headed.

Andy didn't even know them. She turned away as unexpected tears filled her eyes. They were strangers, but yet they knew this much and she didn't know anything at all...

"You okay there?" Asked Mike worriedly, giving her a brown paper bag. He must have seen her eyes watering.

"Yeah," Andy nodded without looking at him and paid for her order hastily. "Thanks."

She felt everybody looking at her, and the way out seemed much longer than it was. She left the cafeteria, whip off the upcoming tears and made a deep breath. She stopped in the empty corridor and closed her eyes for a second. Next moment she went forward with a firm intention to face Sam and figure everything out right now. No more procrastination.

She found the second interrogation room and knocked on the door, not caring if it wasn't the right time. She just couldn't stand it anymore.

In a few seconds Sam appeared on the threshold. He looked intense.

"I need to talk to you, now," it came out instantly.

"That's not the best time, Andy," Sam uttered not looking at her. "I'm in the middle of something."

"It will only take a second, Sam."

"Are you okay?" For a moment he looked at her worriedly.

"Yes," she got silent, not knowing how to start this. "No," and then the words just flooded out. "Why didn't you tell me you were being transferred? You could've at least told me, because I'm your partner. I'm your friend. At least I thought I was!.."

"Andy," Sam tried to stop her, but she didn't listen.

"And what about that marriage thing with Monica? You weren't at all planning to tell me? Are you that indifferent to me?.."

"Andy, stop!" Sam touched her hand, but she drew away from his touch, tears filling her eyes again.

"Andy. I can't talk about it right now, okay?" There was something strange about the way he was looking at her and talking to her. He seemed very intense.

"Okay," She muttered, feeling offended and ashamed, as tears rolled down her cheeks. How stupid of her to distract him with this hysterical flood during a meeting.

"Okay," Sam repeated, looking her right in the eyes.

And then he went back inside the interrogation room and closed the door, leaving Andy alone in the corridor.

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To be continued...


	2. Tragedy

I'm back! Thank all of you for your kind reviews and remarks!

Before writing this chapter i managed to sneak up on english punctuation, so i hope it will be easier for you to read this:)

Please, review! :):D

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**Chapter 2****. Tragedy**

"_**She was an angel lying on the bathroom floor  
She couldn't take it anymore  
It was just too hard to breathe."  
**__**  
**_**Jaylene Johnson - No matter how hard we try**

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"_**She'll find out.**_

_**She'll break down.**_

_**Stop this now."**_

**Barcelona – Lesser things**

* * *

The minute the door closed Andy felt that she couldn't hold herself back anymore. Tears were clouding her eyes, rolling down her cheeks, sobs escaping her chest. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed someone appear at the end of the corridor. She heard a woman calling her name and recognized Gail's voice.

Andy turned away and headed in other direction, accelerating her pace. Gail was the last person she wanted to see right now, in this condition.

She turned left at the corner and noticed Officer Shaw, coming her way from the other end. Apparently it's just wasn't her day!

Andy had no choice, but to slip in a bathroom to avoid meeting him.

The room was empty. Andy closed the door. Feeling weak and miserable, she sat on the floor, crying. The brown paper bag was still clutched in her fist.

Andy tried to stop sobbing, but couldn't, unable to control herself. She wrapped the hands around the knees and put her head on top of them. She closed her watering eyes.

What was happening to her? Why did this news affect her like that? Why did it hurt so much?..

She knew the answers.

And suddenly she stopped fighting herself, fighting the thought that was trapped in her mind for a long time.

"_**You love him," **_said the voice in her head. "_**You love Sam."**_

"I love him," she thought and felt the heaviness in her heart getting lighter. But it was too late… Everything was so messed up! Luke, work, Sam…

"… I love him," she whispered, sobbing, as more tears rolled down her cheeks. She had finally accepted that feeling inside of her, finally _let herself_ feel that. But it was too late…

"You love whom?" Asked a sudden voice behind her. Andy flinched and turned around to see Oliver Shaw standing in the room, looking puzzled.

"What are you doing here?" Andy sobbed and tried to wipe the tears off.

"What are _**you**_ doing here?" He smiled. "This is men's bathroom."

"What?.." Andy blinked. "I must have mixed up the doors…"

"Yeah." Shaw made a few steps and sat down in front of her. His expression became serious as he peered at her.

"Are you okay there?"

She nodded, but tears kept falling from her eyes.

"I'm sorry." Andy muttered, feeling ashamed for being so sensitive. Today everything went wrong from the beginning…

"What happened?" Asked Oliver.

"Nothing. Just having a rough day." She whispered, not looking at him.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really. No."

"Okay."

They were quiet for a few minutes.

Andy was the first one to break the silence. She looked Shaw in the eyes.

"Do you think we really know each other?"

His expression became dumbstruck.

"Who? You and me?"

"No, I mean cops. Partners."

"Well, yeah, of course we do," Oliver nodded thoughtfully. "Difficult situations bring people closer. You are what you are in a critical moment. And every shift of our job is critical. We see the real faces of our partners and gain each other's trust in a very short time. So yeah, we do know each other. Maybe we know our partners even better than their wives, husbands, boyfriends-girlfriends, whatever."

Andy shook her head.

"I thought so, too, you know. But…" she stumbled. "But today… today everything has turned upside down. I'm not sure in anyone anymore," she got silent for a moment and then added quietly. "I'm not sure I know my partner at all…"

Andy knew, that with these words she was practically opening her heart to Oliver. But she didn't care. She needed to talk to someone.

"What changed your mind?" Oliver asked.

"I…" she stumbled again as a tear rolled down her cheek. "He didn't tell me something very important," she switched to a whisper. "I heard about the two most important changes in his life by accident… in the cafeteria…" she winced, the pain nearly physical. "And he didn't tell me. He decided not to. He… he doesn't care…"

Andy got silent looking at Shaw with her eyes tearful.

A day ago she would have died of shame, if she seemed weak in front of anyone from the station. Today she was practically opening her feelings for Sam Swarek to their common friend in men's bathroom.

How else will this day turn?..

"Andy," Oliver frowned. "Do you tell everything to people you care about?"

Andy was silent for a few seconds. She answered after a pause.

"No."

"Is that because you hate them?" Asked Oliver patiently.

"No." She answered.

"Is that because you don't really care about them?"

Andy blinked.

"No."

"Why is it then?"

She thought for a moment and suddenly remembered that she still hasn't told Sam about moving in with Luke.

"Because I… I'm trying to protect the person. I'm trying to protect _**him**_… or maybe…" she got silent.

"…_**m**__**aybe because I've made a huge mistake…"**_ These words sounded only in her head.

"You see that?" said Oliver. "You're overprotective. Maybe your _friend _is overprotective, too. That's why you should trust him, okay? Don't jump to conclusions. You should trust your partner. He'll tell you everything, when he's ready. Maybe he has his own reasons. You should trust him."

Andy nodded and closed her eyes for a moment.

"You're right…" she took a breath. "I'm over thinking again… Thank you… I'm sorry I'm a mess…"

"It's okay," Shaw patted her on the shoulder and then smiled, pointing at the brown paper bag in her hand. "Just don't eat in the bathroom next time, okay? It's unsanitary."

Andy smiled.

"Yes, sir."

Suddenly the door opened, and Dov Epstein appeared in the room. He froze, looking puzzled.

"Am I interrupting something?" He asked.

"Yes, you are." Shaw smirked, and when Dov attempted to leave, he got up to his feet and added. "Too late, Epstein, the thrill is gone. Anyways, what are you doing here? I thought you had a lead or somethin'."

"It didn't pan out." Dov explained with disappointment. "The guy was just afraid to go to jail, so he lied his thievish ass off," he got silent and added, as he noticed Shaw's sudden expression. "Excuse my language, sir."

"Stop apologizing." Oliver muttered. "You're not a rookie anymore."

Andy winced at these words. Sam's words.

"Hey, Andy, by the way," Dov started, and she turned to him, pulled back to reality. "Do you remember the guy we met in front of the station?"

"Yeah," Andy nodded. "What about him?"

"I tried to tell you, but you ran away too fast. He was asking about Swarek… and your dad."

"Swarek and my dad?" Andy repeated, looking perplexed.

"Yes. He asked for mr. McNally and mr. Swarek. He said it was urgent."

Andy frowned. She remembered Meredith talking about a man in the lobby. "Yeah, Sam had a visitor. He's with him right now. Do you know who he is? Did he tell you what was the matter?"

"Nope," Dov shook his head. "I took him to the secretary and left. Had to find my inhalator, I've lost it here somewhere…"

Suddenly Oliver's and Dov's radios rustled.

"Officers of 15th Division," the voice belonged to Sergeant Best, "there's a little boy in my office, crying for his mommy and his uncle. Anyone, who knows, who he is, please respond. "

"It's Leo," Andy gasped and looked at the brown paper bag in her hand. "Oh, no… how could I forget?.."

Shaw knitted his brows, looking at her.

"It's Traci's kid," Andy explained, getting up from the floor. "I was watching him – well, technically Sam was – but then the visitor came, and I said I would sit with Leo – but he was hungry, and I left him with Olsted… It's complicated…"

"You left the kid with Robby Olsted?" Dov asked, staggered. "Really?"

"I had no choice!" Andy exclaimed defensively.

"Sh-sh…" Oliver pushed the button on the radio and answered. "McNally will take care of the kid, serge."

"Okay," answered the voice from the radio. "Be quick, McNally."

Oliver turned to Andy. "You – go get the kid," and then to Dov. "You – go find your inhalator."

"Yes, sir," Andy and Dov replied synchronically.

All three of them left the room.

When Andy walked in Best's office through the glass door, she saw the sergeant behind his desk and a little boy on the chair beside him.

"Sir," Andy called, coming closer. "I'm sorry, I…"

"McNally," Best stood up and approached her. He looked at her attentively, which probably had something to do with the redness around her eyes.

Best lowered his voice, as he said: "The boy has just stopped crying. Whose is he?"

"It's mine sir. I mean - Traci's, but I was watching him…"

"How did you manage to lose him?"

"It's a long story, sir." Andy muttered, her eyes lowered.

"He was crying and calling his mom and his uncle." said the sergeant.

"Uncle?" Andy frowned. "Okay. I'm not gonna lose him again."

"You better not, McNally."

Andy approached the chair Leo was sitting on. "Let's go, sweetie."

She felt guilt, meeting his tearful eyes. How could she have left him with Robby Olsted? She should have known better…

The boy stood up, not saying anything and took Andy's hand. They went out of the room together.

"I brought you a burger," Andy said, trying to cheer him up, as they walked along the corridor.

Leo didn't say anything – just squeezed her hand tighter.

"Are you still hungry?" asked Andy.

The boy didn't react, looking in front of him. Andy traced his gaze and saw Robby Olsted walking towards them. He had a can of soda in his right hand and a sandwich in the other.

"You lost the kid I asked you to watch for five minutes and now you're eating?" Andy snorted in disbelief when the distance between them shortened. "Really, Robby?"

"He ran away!" Robby uttered defensively. "That's not my fault he is so undisciplined!"

"You're a jerk," Andy muttered with a scathing look on her face as they went past him.

"At least I got through my rookie year without sleeping around with detectives and T.O.-s."

Andy blushed and shot an indignant look at him, but didn't say anything, short of words.

She knew, Robby was a "bad cop" – everybody knew that. His methods were rough and he wasn't ashamed to use physical force to get the answers he needed. Robby was sued for assault so many times, he became a headache for the 15th Division and got thrown behind desk. But Andy, with her sympathy for everyone, always thought, that he wasn't that bad. Now she realized, that he clearly was.

Andy felt someone pull her sleeve. She looked down and saw Leo.

"Will you help him? He's in trouble." he whispered.

"I hope he is," Andy replied, turning back to see Robby leaving. "He's a bad person."

"No," the boy shook his head. "No. Uncle Sammy. He's in trouble."

Andy felt her pulse fasten.

"Why do you say that, Leo?" she asked kindly, blood rushing to her head.

"I saw him." He answered with sadness in his voice. "He's in big trouble."

Andy tilted over Leo, watching him narrowly. "What did you see, honey?"

Leo shook his head again, eyes filling with tears.

"Will you help him?" he asked again, his voice trembling.

"Okay. Okay, honey. Let's go." she lead him forward, frowning.

_**The boy is scared, **_thought Andy, as they walked along the corridor. _**He probably imagined something, while he was alone…**_

As they walked in an empty corridor with blue walls, Leo suddenly stopped. Andy stopped, too and looked at him with concern.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Leo shook his head, his dark eyes widened.

Andy looked around and fastened her eyes on a black door in front of them with a number "2" on it.

_**Interrogation room №2, **_she thought.

"Sam is okay," Andy turned to Leo again and pointed at the closed door. "He's there."

But Leo still looked scared, shaking his head again.

"Okay, sweetie, let's go." Andy took his hand.

They went past the interrogation rooms, but Leo kept turning back.

_**Maybe he did see something, **_thought Andy, when they walked into the room with glass walls, which was now full of people. They passed a group of cops, arguing over something, and went to Andy's table. Leo sat on a chair and Andy moved the paper bag with snacks closer to him.

"Please, help Sammy," the boy muttered suddenly. "Please."

Andy frowned, looking at him. He didn't seem a little boy anymore. There was a real seriousness in his eyes.

"Please, please, please," he whispered.

"Leo…"

"Please, Andy."

"I can't leave you alone," she said, thinking aloud.

"I won't go anywhere, I promise!" he exclaimed.

"Okay," Andy nodded and looked around. She noticed Gail behind her desk, typing something.

Andy turned to the boy and whispered.

"Leo, I'll check on Sammy, but meanwhile you have to go to the blonde lady over there, okay?"

"Okay," Leo nodded obediently.

"Do you promise to be good and sit with her until I come back? Or I'm gonna be in real trouble…"

Leo nodded again energetically and headed to Gail. Andy watched him approach her. Gail looked at him puzzled when he told her something and pointed at Andy. Gail met Andy's gaze.

"Really, Andy?" she snorted. "I actually have some work to do."

"I'll be back in a minute, I promise."

Gail shot an unpleasant look at her, but didn't reply and turned to Leo.

Andy hesitated for a moment. _**It will only take a minute,**_ she thought. Leo's with Gail. Nothing will happen within a minute.

She left the room hastily, feeling stupid for being so anxious. Sam will probably be pissed that she's interrupting him again. But she saw fear in Leo's eyes and she believed him.

_**You're just looking for an excuse to see Swarek again, **_hissed the inner voice.

"Shut up," muttered Andy to herself.

It was half a minute later, when she was back in the corridor with blue walls. She stopped in front of the door with a number "2" on it.

_**"Knock."**_ said the inner voice. _**"Knock!"**_

She hesitated for a moment and then knocked. For some reason her heart quivered.

A few seconds passed. She heard muffled voices behind the door – and then everything got silent again. For about a minute Andy stood there, listening - her heart pounding loudly.

Then she knocked again and heard footsteps. The door opened slowly.

It wasn't Sam, who was standing on the threshold - it was a man in a green jacket - the one she met this morning. He was about forty years old, had little dark eyes and a square face, that seemed vaguely familiar. It was serious and intense, sweat dripping from his forehead. Andy stumbled and felt something twitch in the pit of her stomach: all of a sudden she registered, that the man was keeping his right hand behind him. For some reason she found that important.

_**Run. Run. Run. Run. He's got a gun.**_

"Sir, is officer Swarek there?" she asked, trying to sound calm.

She already knew the answer before he replied.

"No," said the man.

Andy felt her stomach turning.

"No, he has left - had a call - you should probably look for him in his office," the man wiped the sweat off of his forehead and blinked.

And at that moment Andy sensed that something really bad has happened. She felt terror building up inside of her.

_**Sam… Where is Sam?..**_

_**He may be already dead.**_

"Okay," Andy nodded, lingering. She couldn't let the man notice her fear. She had to leave and call for help. Her mind was frantically thinking what to do. "I'll look in his office. Thank you, sir."

As these words came out of her mouth, she realized, her voice was trembling. The man peered at her intensely. She forced a smile and was already turning to leave, when she felt a strong grip on her hand and mouth, and was roughly dragged back, in the room.

Andy saw the door close, heard the lock click. She screamed, but her voice was dampened. She tried to kick him off, but he was too strong.

"Shut up," growled the man. "Shut up or I'll shoot you!"

Andy felt a gun pointing at the back of her head.

"Okay, okay!" she breathed the words out, her voice broken with terror.

The man threw her harshly on a chair near the wall, picked up a rope and started tying her up.

Andy didn't resist. She froze, looking at the other end of the room, her heart sunken. There was a man, covered in blood, tied to another chair.

"Sam," she whispered, fear overflowing.

"Damn it," Swarek breathed out as their eyes met, his voice full of bitterness. "Let her go, Thomas. She has nothing to do with it."

"She shouldn't have come here," the man cried out, breathing loudly.

"Let her go. She won't tell anyone. She's just a secretary. She has nothing to do with it!"

"Quiet!" the man shouted. "Quiet, I need to think."

Andy was looking at Sam, her heart beating out of her chest. He had blood on his face, hands tied behind his back. Swarek was looking at Andy, not taking his eyes off of her.

All this time she was thinking only about herself. She didn't even assume, that something might have happened until Leo told her that… Poor boy… He probably saw them from the observation room… If she had checked there first… but she was so obsessed with seeing Swarek again…

She should have noticed there was something wrong. She should have trusted her gut…

And now a little scared boy was the only one on the other side, who knew, what was going on.

"Are you okay, Sam?" asked Andy. Her voice sounded unfamiliar, tongue numb from fear.

"Yeah," he answered hoarsely, but she knew, he was badly beaten up. "Are you?"

Andy nodded, trying to get a grip on herself. Their eyes locked from across the room. They were looking at each other, and it seemed, that time has slowed down.

"Thomas," Swarek called.

The man in a jacket finished tying her up and turned to Sam.

"What?"

"Please, let the girl go. Please. She's just a secretary," Sam was talking calmly, but Andy saw, how intense he was: his face, his shoulders. "You have me, let her go. You don't need her."

Thomas didn't answer. He started pacing up and down the room, pressing the flat side of the gun with a silencer to his own chest, thinking.

"What do you want?" Andy asked, trying to loosen the rope around her wrists.

"I want justice," Thomas said. "I want justice!"

"What happened, sir?" asked Andy, recalling all those things they taught her in the Academy.

_**Respect, **_she remembered, _**you should talk to a hostage holder with respect. He needs to feel in control of everything.**_

"Why are you doing this, sir?" her voice was calm and sympathetic.

The man approached her and sat in a squatting position in front of her.

"What's your name?" he asked, looking her in the eyes. His breath smelled like alcohol and cigarettes.

Out of the corner of her eye Andy saw Swarek leaning forward and shaking his head.

Dov's words emerged in her mind: _**"He was asking about Swarek… and your dad."**_

"Andy Carrows," she lied steadily. If her dad was involved in this, she knew, she should hide, who she was.

"Are you a cop?" asked Thomas, anger in his voice.

"No, sir. I'm just a secretary," she lied, looking him right in the eyes.

"Do you have a brother, Andy?"

"No, sir," Andy answered.

"Well, I did!" he shouted, his upper lip twitching with contempt. Andy didn't flinch.

"I did!" Thomas shouted again, jerked back and moved to the center of the room. He pointed his gun at Swarek. "These bastards took him away from me! Do you hear me? They killed an innocent man!"

"I'm telling you, he wasn't innocent," Swarek replied, irritated. "He had two little girls locked in a basement…"

_**Girls in a basement?**_ Andy frowned, but wasn't able to think it over – Thomas screamed at Swarek, waving the gun.

"SHUT UP! Shut the hell up or I'll shoot you!"

"You can kill me if you like," Swarek replied with his usual calm and provoking intonation. "That won't change the truth."

"SHUT UP!" Thomas went right at Sam and put the gun to his neck.

"Sir!" Andy called the man desperately, fear throbbing in her throat. "Sir! Who was your brother? Who was he?"

That worked. Thomas turned around.

"He was a good man! He was a good man, until these DAMN COPS KILLED HIM!"

"What was his name, sir?" Andy asked.

"Salvadore," Thomas replied, grief in his eyes. "His name was Salvadore. They killed him for abducting those little girls… But I know he didn't do it! And that cop…" the man went to the table and took some papers. Andy recognized a police emblem on the yellow folder. How could he get hold of a police report?..

"…that officer McNally killed my brother. …" continued Thomas.

Andy's heart sank.

"…He shot him. And this bastard," Thomas pointed at Swarek. "He was there. He didn't stop that damn cop from murdering my brother."

Andy didn't say anything, numb. She shuddered internally. How didn't she realize this earlier? They looked a lot alike. Thomas and Salvadore Raymond – a child molester, whom she killed the day of the blackout. They had same eyes and facial shape.

"…They told me, that cop retired, you know? He retired after murdering my little brother!.."

Andy looked at Swarek, shocked, and their eyes met. Suddenly she understood everything. Thomas thought that officer A. McNally in the report was a _**he**_ not a _**she**_. That's why he was looking for her father…

_**Thomas Raymond was searching for the killer of his brother. But he w**__**as looking for the wrong McNally.**_

"Sir, you don't have to do this…" Andy faltered. "…I understand your feelings, but you don't have to throw away your life!"

"You don't understand anything. I want revenge!" he shouted. "I want to kill these two bastards," he looked at Andy. "Do you know, who that officer McNally is?"

She hesitated for a moment and nodded.

"Do you think he's a good cop?" asked Thomas.

"I don't know, sir," she replied.

"I need him to come here," Thomas growled, thinking aloud. "How do I get him here?"

"The girl can bring him to you," Swarek responded. "She's a secretary, she can find his address. Let her go."

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Thomas shouted and approached him. He hit Sam hard in the stomach. Swarek let out a sigh. The man started hitting him again and again.

"Please, stop it! STOP IT!" Andy shouted. She managed to untie her hands and was trying to free her feet without appearing to do so.

"Please," she begged, tears filling her eyes. "Please. Sir. I know you're a good man. Please. Don't…"

Thomas didn't respond.

"Sir," Andy called again. "Sir, please. It's not his fault. It's the system. It's the whole system."

Thomas stopped for a second, looking at her. After a moment of doubt he turned back to Sam and with a single strike of the gun handle knocked him senseless. Andy gasped. A stream of blood flooded from Sam's temple.

Rush of panic overwhelmed her. There was too much blood…

Andy knew: convincing this man, that his brother is a pedophile, won't help…

Thomas didn't say anything, he ws just looking at his hands, silent for a few seconds. And then he directed to her.

"You're right," he mumbled, sitting down in front of her. Andy tensed, hoping that he wouldn't notice she had freed her hands.

"You're right," Thomas repeated. "It's not only their fault. It's the system's fault, too. It should be punished, too."

"Yes, sir, it's the system," Andy muttered. "It's the system. Please, let us go…"

Suddenly his expression changed. He was looking behind her. Andy bit her lip. He must have noticed the rope hanging loose from the back of the chair.

Andy jerked aside that same moment he tried to seize her neck. She fell on the floor, banging against the hard surface, her legs still tied to the chair.

"DON'T PLAY WITH ME!" Thomas shouted and grabbed her by the throat. Andy was choking, but tried to push him away with her hands. She was already passing out, when he let go of her.

"Are you a cop?" he asked, his face red from anger. "ARE YOU A COP?"

"No," Andy answered, coughing heavily. "No!"

"Okay then." Thomas stood up and started pacing up and down the room again, not paying any attention to her. She freed herself from the chair and stood up, shaking. Her eyes found Sam's motionless body. Her heart jolted, head started spinning.

She saw that Thomas was distracted, and she could easily run away. But she couldn't leave Sam - bleeding and… she shuddered as the word _**dead **_crossed her mind. He must be alive. Must be. He's just unconscious.

"Sir," Andy called, trying to think straight. "Sir, he's bleeding."

"Don't you dare run, cause I'll shoot him", - Thomas shouted, aiming his gun at Swarek.

"I wasn't planning to run." Andy said trying to sound calmly. "I just want to check on him. Please, let me check. He can… he can be dead."

Thomas looked at her nervously.

"He can't be dead! He's my hostage for now, and I'll kill them both, together. Him and his partner."

"His is bleeding. Please, let me check."

Thomas looked at her suspiciously and shifted his gaze to Sam. Blood was dripping from his tilted head.

"Fine. Do whatever you want, but don't try to play any tricks with me, cause I'll shoot you both."

"Thank you," Andy exhaled and went forward. She stumbled and nearly fell, her legs disobedient.

"Please, please, please," she whispered and thought:_** "…be alive."**_

Andy sat on her knees in front of Sam, feeling warm tears flooding down her cheeks. He was so pale.

"Sam," she whispered, touching his neck. Her fingers ran across his jaw-line, trembling. She touched his skin and felt a beating with the her fingertips. He had a pulse! She exhaled with relief.

"Sam," she whispered, pulling a handkerchief out of her pocket and putting it to his head. It soaked with blood instantly.

"Sam, wake up." Andy whispered again.

His eyelashes quivered.

"Sam…"

"M-m…" he muttered, his voice hoarse and weak. "Andy…" he smiled.

"How do you feel?" she asked, wiping tears off.

"We're still here?" he asked, looking around. His eyes stopped at Thomas, who sat beside a wall, deep in his thoughts.

"I hoped, it was a bad dream…" Swarek whispered disappointedly.

"Yeah," Andy whispered back and got silent. He was looking at her closely, only a few inches between them. She was still pressing a handkerchief to his head, her hand linking them.

Thomas shifted and looked at them. "I'll kill you anyway, you bastard!" he shouted from the other end of the room. "I just need to think!"

"We'll figure everything out," Andy whispered to Sam and looked away, as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Of course we will," Sam replied, smiling eagerly. "Andy, stop crying."

She nodded, and wiped the tears off with her hand. Thomas's words stuck in her head.

Suddenly the man stood up vigorously from the floor.

"Untie him," he ordered Andy.

By the look in Tomas's eyes she knew, he was up to no good. Sam saw that, too, and smiled at her softly. She knew he was scared, but hid his fear behind a smile. As always.

Andy's hands trembled a little, as she started undoing ropes around his ankles.

Apparently Sam saw, how scared she was – her feelings exposed, written on her face. He whispered with a cocky smile . "It's disappointing. If I would ever imagine you with ropes, Andy, you would definitely not be **_untying _**me."

Andy smiled with bitterness, her eyes moist again. After freeing his legs, she untied his hands and helped him stand up. They looked at Thomas.

"What are you going to do?" Andy asked, holding Sam by the elbow. He could barely stand.

Thomas looked at them, anger in his eyes, lips tightened.

"These bastards brought tragedy in my family. And I'll bring some in theirs." With these words he unzipped the green jacket and pushed something underneath it. Before Andy saw what it was, she heard beeping. Her heart sank, blood rushed to her head.

"Oh, God…" Andy whispered with terror and felt Sam squeezing her hand.

Thomas Roland smiled triumphantly. "I WILL BLOW THIS PLACE UP!"

to be continued...


End file.
